Probably her death was not directly caused by Alzheimer’s Disease.  But that it shortened her life is certain.  

I now believe that it made its first appearance easily ten years before her death.  Every so often she would ask me how long to cook something – something that she had been cooking for years!   I put it down to momentary confusion – telling myself that she probably had other things on her mind.  

I did the traditional Kiwi trip to Europe where I lived in Holland, Spain and London for eight years, until my company offered me a transfer from London to Sydney.  Being back in the antipodes I would be able to visit mum from time to time. 

She had always been amazingly capable but I noticed immediately that although she was living independently, she was easily confused by silly little things.

We had a few occasions to laugh – which would have been relaxing if they had not been so worrying.  One day she decided to take the cat for a walk and I went to look for the collar which eventually I found in the fridge!  It should have been funny had I not seen the look of fear and embarrassment that crossed her face. So when she made me a cup of tea and poured it into my saucer, I knew I should be worried.  

I was really grateful for the times that I had pressed her for information about her childhood – I could now feed back to her some of the stories she had told me and I could see how much she enjoyed talking about those times.  

On one occasion we were at her front room window looking down the driveway which was bordered by flowerbeds.  All the flowers were in bloom and there was a light wind blowing when mum told me that ‘men on brightly coloured horses were galloping along the drive’.  I had no idea where that could have come from until I moved closer to her and realised she was seeing reflections from two panes of glass – the colourful flowers were distorted and looked much taller and the colours rippling in the wind could easily give the impression of movement. 

It was so sad to see how sudden flashes of reality could completely unbalance her. She might suddenly catch on to what was being said and realise that she had been ‘out of it’. Her face would then betray embarrassment and fear in equal measure.  Sometimes it left me hoping that she would never have to return to reality. She was still in her sixties, too young to be losing her grip.

The hairdresser at the local shops told me how she had arrived in a raincoat one day completely naked underneath!  Another shopkeeper told me that she would pay for purchases by opening her bag and telling him to take the money.  

Eventually, of course, she was admitted to a nursing home where she was in the company of similar souls condemned to live their half-lives until merciful death relieved them.

Now my own greatest fear is of losing my memory.  I have seen how critical memory is. It’s not the arriving in the kitchen and wondering what you went there for  – I’ve been doing that for years. It’s not ‘where on earth did I leave the car?’ or ‘I’m really bad with names’.  I think it is more the act of being aware – I suppose I’m referring to what is called ‘mindfulness’ these days.  

Not just the awareness of what you’re doing and why, but allowing time for ‘bedding down’ any experience together with its related colours and fragrances and feelings so that it becomes an integral part of your whole self.  

It’s too late for me – when I look back on my life I see what Carol’s spider (the protagonist in my book) was talking about – a series of potentially unrelated events strung together in the suspicion that they have some kind of cohesion.

Did my mother die from Alzheimer’s?  She died from what Alzheimer’s took from her.  It stole her memories. And her memories gave her the will to live.

AUSTRALIAN DEMENTIA STATISTICS AS OF JANUARY 2020

• Dementia is the second leading cause of death in women and the third leading cause of death in men.
• Females account for 64.5% of all dementia related deaths.
• An estimated 250 people join the dementia population every day.

EVERY 3 SECONDS 

SOMEONE IN THE WORLD DEVELOPS

DEMENTIA

Dementia affects almost 50 million people globally right now – this is predicted to increase to 131.5 million people in the next thirty years.  

IF DEMENTIA WERE A COUNTRY

 IT WOULD BE THE 

18TH LARGEST ECONOMY IN THE WORLD!

Figures quoted are derived from Dementia Australia Research Foundation